Friday, January 14, 2011
LVAD Experience IV
The next morning Dad and I got up and had some coffee before heading back up to the hospital. I was anxious to get back up there & I drove pretty fast but Dad kept up. When we walked into the room Dean was alert and awake. He was so happy to see both of us!! I had brought up a dry erase board because Dean still had the breathing tube in & being the talker that he is I know he would get frustrated not being able to talk. Thank goodness I had that board!! For the most part he communicated by mouthing and signing to us but when we didn't understand he wrote it on the board. At first Dad was better at understanding what he was trying to say than I was. He told Dad that he was really touched that he was there and while holding his hand made a point of telling Dad that he wants him here while we build our new home this summer. That really made Dad happy & Dean motioned with his hand from his heart to my Dad and Dad said "we will be blood brothers!" Dean nodded his head emphatically and I could see he had tears in his eyes. I was so moved I started tearing up too. We all chatted for a little while more and then Dad and I went downstairs to have a late breakfast & leave Dean to sleep for a while. I was especially grateful to have Dad there. The poor guy was exhausted because he had just flown in from Vegas 2 days before. We went back up to the room and a short time after that I walked Dad out so he could get home while it was still light out. Dean was on some heavy pain meds and slept most of the morning while I sat by his bedside and held his hand. He loves Christmas music and the hospital had a TV station that played nothing but Christmas music all the time so we had that playing softly while he slept. His Mom came up for a visit and Dean woke up for that and we chatted using the board. Our dear friend Betty stopped in on her way to work as well. While we were all visiting the song 'O Holy Night began playing and Dean started tearing up and pointed at his mother and mouthed the words 'you weren't there....I sang this song for All County concert and you never came to the concert so I will sing it now' I don't recall who now but someone tried to stop him mid-sentence because he was getting so worked up but because Dean and I had talked about this so many times before - I knew where he was going & said 'let him finish - he has something to say to his Mom' He wasn't there to punish his Mom but wanted to share that special moment she missed out on when he sang that song as a solo performer. The tears were pouring out of me while I watched him mouth/sing the rest of the song. His Mom didn't say a word but I know she understood. I silently thanked God for providing Dean that moment because his parents not showing up to any events when he was a child has always hurt him and this was definitely some closure. It was quiet for a while but then we picked up some conversation and moved forward. His Mom had to get going & shortly after that Betty had to get to work so I walked her out and we grabbed some coffee before she left. I am grateful for her friendship & support. I stayed with Dean until early evening but he really needed rest & was trying to stay awake because I was there so it was best that I left. Besides...we have a little kitty named Einstein at home who was very lonely and boy was she happy to spend some time with me!!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
LVAD Experience Part III
After Dr. Massey spoke to us he said we could see Dean in the CICU. We all went up to the floor & they were just getting him settled. So we had to wait about 15-20 minutes in the waiting room....it was the longest minutes of my life. When they called and said he was ready I practically flew down the hallway to see him. When I walked in I was amazed he was awake! It was a startling sight...thou one I had expected. He had a breathing tube coming out of his mouth and 4 tubes coming out of his chest and sides. I was crying tears of joy because I was so relieved to see he was alive! I began talking softly to him, telling him I loved him & I was so proud of him & not to try talking because of the tube. He opened his eyes, looked at me and mouthed I love you and fell back to sleep. Then his Mom came in and he opened his eyes and looked at her and fell back to sleep. Then everyone else came in for about 15 minutes and then they kicked us out. But as we were leaving I leaned over and kissed Dean's hand and said I love you - he opened his eyes and mouthed I love you Eva. I started laughing and crying at the same time cause that is our little thing from the movie Wall-E - we love that movie. So I said my last I love you Wall-E and we left him to sleep. By this time we were all emotionally drained & hungry so Dad & I and Betty & Vic went to Applebee's and had a steak in Dean's honor (one of his favorite meals) My Dad was spending the night - thank God because I really didn't want to have to go home alone. So we traveled back to the house and had a nice visit before crashing from exhaustion.
LVAD Experience Part II
So, we were feeling completely at peace with the visit from the eagle. It never ceases to amaze me the way the Creator reaches out to us....
The next step was to get trained on the LVAD and what life would be like with it. There were two training sessions we were required to attend before surgery. Now I feel I should mention that we were told there are only 2 hospitals in NY state who do the LVAD surgery one is Strong Memorial Hospital & the other is NY Presbyterian Hospital in NYC. We went to Strong Memorial Hospital & spent our first Sunday afternoon with a great nurse named Matt learning all about the pump. He had an actual LVAD pump just like the one that was going to be put inside my husband Dean & that really helped us visualize the process and understand what was going to be assisting his heart beating. Also, we talked about the controller and batteries he will have to carry around for the rest of his life and practiced how to change from plugged in power to batteries. You would not believe the alarms when the power is being changed over!! Holy cow - they would wake the dead....which is a good thing cause I have a tendency to sleep thru just about anything. Matt made the training fun and casual and because of that the whole prospect of the unknown of the LVAD and everything that goes with it a lot less scary. I am extremely impressed by this program at Strong. They truly made us feel like a part of the family, as much as a hospital can - which when you are facing something as serious as open heart surgery - means a great deal.
Dean's surgery was scheduled for the following Tuesday. They brought him into the hospital on Sunday so they could do more testing...blood cultures, urinalysis, ect... We had our second training session, which consisted of more practice changing over from power to batteries. I was at the hospital Sunday until 11:00 pm & back up there at 7:30 Monday morning because we just didn't want to spend anytime apart. Even thou we were both feeling very positive about the surgery & Dean surviving, I barely slept.
Monday was intense. Lots of prayer, hugs and kisses & just truly enjoying each other's company. That evening Dean had to scrub his body with a chlorhexidine soap several times to kill any bacteria that may be hanging out on his skin. Also there was a oral and nasal rinse to do the same thing. He was so cute...we tried to shower together (our usual ritual) but the hospital shower is a little too small - plus he had an IV running in each arm so that pole posed some problems. After the shower he listened to some Native American spiritual music to meditate and go to his mountain to stay calm. I was able to stay with him until midnight & then, because he had a semi-private room, I could not stay the whole night so I went down the hall to the education room to lay down on the couch for a while. I dozed on and off for a couple of hours when I got a call from Dean asking me to come back to his room. I did & unfortunately his roommate had an intestinal problem so we relocated to the education room & he was able to sleep on the couch for about an hour. Then the nurse came in to start the IV that would be used in surgery and do 1 more chlorhexidine scrub. I had the strangest feelings swirling around inside of me watching them prep him for surgery...there was a feeling of excitement because this is what we had been waiting for and preparing for many months, and this was going to give my honey his quality of life back...but then there was the little girl in me who wanted to burst into tears because I was terrified he might die, and then the spiritual side of me was completely serene and at peace with our decision and lastly there was the Sicilian side of me who is the tough bitch with big shoulders who can handle anything (yeah, right.) In the end my spiritual strength won...with a few tears every now and again. After the prep, we headed back to the room because it had been sanitized and before we knew it they were coming to get him. They let me come down to the recovery room to spend the last few minutes before surgery with him...he was listening to his spiritual music and was amazingly calm. Our friend Betty was with us and the three of us prayed and the we met all the anesthesiologists and the team of different physicians who would be involved...then they came for him. We kissed and said our I love yous and then he was gone. I was so calm and strong while we were together but as soon as Betty & I exited the unit I hugged her and just lost it for a few minutes. I was grateful to have her there to share my emotions with.
We went up to the room to grab our belongings & then to the lobby to hang out and meet up with another friend Doreen who had come into town to support us for the surgery. Also we were waiting for my Dad who was driving in too. I am so grateful that my Dad made the trip in. It was very calming for me to have family there. I loved my friends being there to support me too but there is something very soothing about having a parent with you....its like I felt like a kid again & Dad was gonna make everything alright. Over all the day passed as slowly as you might expect when you are waiting....but the great advantage I had was that the office was getting updates from the OR & they would call me every time they had an update....to let me know that they had made the first incision, and then when they had the pump installed. The longest part of Dean's surgery was getting down to the heart. He had a massive heart attack and emergency bypass surgery 10 years ago so there was quite a bit of scar tissue to get thru...but once the pump was in they watched it work for about an hour to make sure there were no leaks. Boy, when I got that call I cried tears of relief and thanked God about 1,000 times in a row. I called Dean's Mom to give her the good news & she came up to the hospital & our friend Vic came up too. Once they had him sewed up the surgeon came in to talk to us all. Dr. Massey said that Dean did really well & he was able to repair his sternum.
The next step was to get trained on the LVAD and what life would be like with it. There were two training sessions we were required to attend before surgery. Now I feel I should mention that we were told there are only 2 hospitals in NY state who do the LVAD surgery one is Strong Memorial Hospital & the other is NY Presbyterian Hospital in NYC. We went to Strong Memorial Hospital & spent our first Sunday afternoon with a great nurse named Matt learning all about the pump. He had an actual LVAD pump just like the one that was going to be put inside my husband Dean & that really helped us visualize the process and understand what was going to be assisting his heart beating. Also, we talked about the controller and batteries he will have to carry around for the rest of his life and practiced how to change from plugged in power to batteries. You would not believe the alarms when the power is being changed over!! Holy cow - they would wake the dead....which is a good thing cause I have a tendency to sleep thru just about anything. Matt made the training fun and casual and because of that the whole prospect of the unknown of the LVAD and everything that goes with it a lot less scary. I am extremely impressed by this program at Strong. They truly made us feel like a part of the family, as much as a hospital can - which when you are facing something as serious as open heart surgery - means a great deal.
Dean's surgery was scheduled for the following Tuesday. They brought him into the hospital on Sunday so they could do more testing...blood cultures, urinalysis, ect... We had our second training session, which consisted of more practice changing over from power to batteries. I was at the hospital Sunday until 11:00 pm & back up there at 7:30 Monday morning because we just didn't want to spend anytime apart. Even thou we were both feeling very positive about the surgery & Dean surviving, I barely slept.
Monday was intense. Lots of prayer, hugs and kisses & just truly enjoying each other's company. That evening Dean had to scrub his body with a chlorhexidine soap several times to kill any bacteria that may be hanging out on his skin. Also there was a oral and nasal rinse to do the same thing. He was so cute...we tried to shower together (our usual ritual) but the hospital shower is a little too small - plus he had an IV running in each arm so that pole posed some problems. After the shower he listened to some Native American spiritual music to meditate and go to his mountain to stay calm. I was able to stay with him until midnight & then, because he had a semi-private room, I could not stay the whole night so I went down the hall to the education room to lay down on the couch for a while. I dozed on and off for a couple of hours when I got a call from Dean asking me to come back to his room. I did & unfortunately his roommate had an intestinal problem so we relocated to the education room & he was able to sleep on the couch for about an hour. Then the nurse came in to start the IV that would be used in surgery and do 1 more chlorhexidine scrub. I had the strangest feelings swirling around inside of me watching them prep him for surgery...there was a feeling of excitement because this is what we had been waiting for and preparing for many months, and this was going to give my honey his quality of life back...but then there was the little girl in me who wanted to burst into tears because I was terrified he might die, and then the spiritual side of me was completely serene and at peace with our decision and lastly there was the Sicilian side of me who is the tough bitch with big shoulders who can handle anything (yeah, right.) In the end my spiritual strength won...with a few tears every now and again. After the prep, we headed back to the room because it had been sanitized and before we knew it they were coming to get him. They let me come down to the recovery room to spend the last few minutes before surgery with him...he was listening to his spiritual music and was amazingly calm. Our friend Betty was with us and the three of us prayed and the we met all the anesthesiologists and the team of different physicians who would be involved...then they came for him. We kissed and said our I love yous and then he was gone. I was so calm and strong while we were together but as soon as Betty & I exited the unit I hugged her and just lost it for a few minutes. I was grateful to have her there to share my emotions with.
We went up to the room to grab our belongings & then to the lobby to hang out and meet up with another friend Doreen who had come into town to support us for the surgery. Also we were waiting for my Dad who was driving in too. I am so grateful that my Dad made the trip in. It was very calming for me to have family there. I loved my friends being there to support me too but there is something very soothing about having a parent with you....its like I felt like a kid again & Dad was gonna make everything alright. Over all the day passed as slowly as you might expect when you are waiting....but the great advantage I had was that the office was getting updates from the OR & they would call me every time they had an update....to let me know that they had made the first incision, and then when they had the pump installed. The longest part of Dean's surgery was getting down to the heart. He had a massive heart attack and emergency bypass surgery 10 years ago so there was quite a bit of scar tissue to get thru...but once the pump was in they watched it work for about an hour to make sure there were no leaks. Boy, when I got that call I cried tears of relief and thanked God about 1,000 times in a row. I called Dean's Mom to give her the good news & she came up to the hospital & our friend Vic came up too. Once they had him sewed up the surgeon came in to talk to us all. Dr. Massey said that Dean did really well & he was able to repair his sternum.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The LVAD Experience
About 2 weeks ago my husband had a Left Ventricular Assist Device installed. In simple terms it is a pump that helps the left side of his heart beat. If you are nerdy like I am you can go to http://www.thoratec.com/medical-professionals/vad-product-information/heartmate-ll-lvad-us-eur.aspx to read more in depth & see photos and videos.
Previous to this surgery he was on oxygen almost all the time and could barely walk more than 5 feet without having to stop and catch his breath. He was diagnosed with heart failure with the best prognosis being regulating his condition with meds. We went home and talked and prayed and then decided to get a second opinion. Thank GOD we did. The second cardiologist suggested the LVAD pump & turns out he was a perfect candidate!! It was a long process to get to the surgery scheduled (many tests) but once we did an incredible weight had been lifted off our shoulders - there was an option to a new life!! With that said there now was a different weight...surviving the surgery. We prayed and cried and prepared for both outcomes. It was an extremely emotional time for both of us....I mean just imagine your husband going thru his belongings and telling you what should go to who...just in case? And from his end imagine knowing that this may be your last 2 weeks on Earth? We did not freak out or cry all the time. We did a lot of praying and thanking God for everything we had been blessed with and truly lived each day as if it were our last together...we took the time to say things we were thinking but never made the time to say, and I realized what is really important. Each other and our love. No longer did I get stressed about the laundry not getting done, or if he did the dishes and left a little piece of food on it....who cares? Our relationship has always been strong but this brought us closer than I ever thought possible. This also completely solidified my faith. Any doubts I had in the Creator was washed away. My husband is a pastor and teaches Native American spirituality so when a Bald Eagle started hanging out in our back yard shortly after we found out about the surgery we were amazed and keenly aware that this was a message that we were being watched over.
Previous to this surgery he was on oxygen almost all the time and could barely walk more than 5 feet without having to stop and catch his breath. He was diagnosed with heart failure with the best prognosis being regulating his condition with meds. We went home and talked and prayed and then decided to get a second opinion. Thank GOD we did. The second cardiologist suggested the LVAD pump & turns out he was a perfect candidate!! It was a long process to get to the surgery scheduled (many tests) but once we did an incredible weight had been lifted off our shoulders - there was an option to a new life!! With that said there now was a different weight...surviving the surgery. We prayed and cried and prepared for both outcomes. It was an extremely emotional time for both of us....I mean just imagine your husband going thru his belongings and telling you what should go to who...just in case? And from his end imagine knowing that this may be your last 2 weeks on Earth? We did not freak out or cry all the time. We did a lot of praying and thanking God for everything we had been blessed with and truly lived each day as if it were our last together...we took the time to say things we were thinking but never made the time to say, and I realized what is really important. Each other and our love. No longer did I get stressed about the laundry not getting done, or if he did the dishes and left a little piece of food on it....who cares? Our relationship has always been strong but this brought us closer than I ever thought possible. This also completely solidified my faith. Any doubts I had in the Creator was washed away. My husband is a pastor and teaches Native American spirituality so when a Bald Eagle started hanging out in our back yard shortly after we found out about the surgery we were amazed and keenly aware that this was a message that we were being watched over.
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